BH2: Translation scripts – Feedback plz

Hay guys, the Bullet Heaven 2 translations are more or less done. I’m getting ready to put them into the game. If anyone speaks Spanish, Portuguese, German or French, and is interested in helping out, you should have a quick read through them and offer some feedback. We’d like to know if the dialects are neutral, if the translators missed something, and stuff like that.

Here they are:

Dialogue
Items
Menus

15 thoughts on “BH2: Translation scripts – Feedback plz

  1. Eduardo

    In the menus, the “Creating bullets” it’s more like “Criando Balas”. In the “Kills” don’t use “Abates:”, use “Mortes”.

    Reply
  2. Jack

    I read a bit of the French dialogue translations. Maybe I’ll go through the whole stuff later but for now here are some random comments:

    -“Ahhh, c’est un temps merveilleux pour travailler dans le jardin!” : it is unclear what “travailler” mean here, I think “jardiner un peu” or “faire un peu de jardinage” would sound better.

    -Why not translate “hovercraft” and use “aéroglisseur”?

    -“Ces saletés de créatures ont encrassé un véhicule en parfait état.” It sounds like the hovercraft is just dirty, nothing to be so excited about.

    -In general beware of repetitions. It’s fine in English but not in French. For instance “Je pense que les ennemis protégés par le bouclier sont invincibles tant que ceux qui créent les boucliers ne sont pas détruits.” doesn’t sound right, I think something like “Je pense que les ennemis protégés par un bouclier sont invincibles tant que ceux qui le créent ne sont pas détruits.” would be better.

    I did read the whole menu file:

    -“Inverser le mouvement de précision” : maybe “le ralenti” would be more descriptive.

    -“Background” is translated by “fond”. Is “arrière-plan” too long?

    -By the way, what is “Blend bullets” supposed to do?

    -If you need to shorten the text you could replace “remettre à zéro” par “réinitialiser”.

    -“Qu’elles reposent pacifiquement en paix” : I would rather say “paisiblement”.

    -Je n’aime pas être tutoyé par un jeu, et je préfèrerais des expressions neutre comme “Utiliser des cheats réduit le rang …” plutôt que “ton rang”, ou “Choix du personnage” plutôt que “Choisis un personnage”. Mais c’est vraiment une question de sensibilité personnelle.

    -“Les touches peuvent aussi être utilisées” : wouldn’t “Le clavier peut aussi …” be better?

    -“Nolegs Skelet”? If you say so…

    As for the items:

    -Basically, I love the names for the levels. (Seriously… “Chatacombes”?)

    -The cheats names “Ennemis = …” are not perfect, though I admit I can’t think of anything better.

    -The same with “Les épées augmentent la force et la diffusion …”, the word “diffusion” sounds weird but … maybe “zone d’effet”? (I don’t like this one either).

    -“Extra coeur” : “extra” is not very used in French. (And besides it sounds like “extracteur”. That’s weird.)

    -When you write about bullet clearing, the “clearing” is translated by “nettoyage” in the ranking page, “disparition” in the description of the star, and “élimination” in the “No bullet clearing” handicap. Maybe you could harmonize that. Or maybe make a less litteral translation and call “Tirs persistants” or “Balles persistantes” the “No bullet clearing” handicap.

    -“Les ennemis seront un peu plus forts” : here “thougher” means “more resilient” so I’m not sure “forts” is the right word. Maybe “costauds”, or simply “résistants”.

    I’ll stop here for now. You guys did a fairly good job, translation work is always a pain. Like when the author makes a reference to the (English) title of the game in the dialogue and you’re supposed to translate that in French…

    Reply
    1. Jack

      A few more comments.

      -Is “Meilleur score” too long a translation for “Highscore”? What about “Record”? It’s not perfect but at least it’s French.

      -After the boss in world 7, “J’en attendait tellement plus!” should be “J’en attendais …”.

      -“Rekt! Shrekt! Disrespect!” is translated by “Haïr! Démolir! Anéantir!”. “Disrespect” is supposed to be ridiculous compared to the other two, which is not the case of “anéantir”. I cannot find a really good word that respects the rhyme, but maybe you could just change the order: “Démolir! Anéantir! Haïr!”.

      Reply
      1. A Wolf

        Hi, French translator here. Thanks for the input!
        I changed a couple things accordingly.

        Some answers to your comments:

        -We chose to keep hovercraft to stay consistent with the hovertank that appears later on and was pretty much untranslatable but easily understandable.
        -Arrière-plan was indeed too long in pretty much every single instance where it wasn’t used alone.
        -The “pacifiquement” thing was intentional, the original (RIP in peace) being intentionally wrong and redundant.
        -Nolegs Skelet is a Mario reference, it was the closest thing we found to Dry Nolegs (from Dry Bones)
        -“Ennemis =” is indeed far from perfect, but the only thing we found that stayed within the character limit. Titles are a bitch.

        Glad you liked the level names, it was a pain to find stuff that didn’t sound stiff and artificial!

        Reply
        1. Jack

          About the “RIP in peace”, I meant translating it by “paisiblement en paix” rather than “pacifiquement en paix”.

          Reply
          1. Alex L-L

            Hi, one of the french proofreader here.

            I’d answer that :
            RIP in peace can go to “Repose en paix” which makes it a real natural way of saying it as far as i can remember.

          2. Jack

            I finished the Item file, so here are my comments. They might not all be relevant so feel free to ignore them.

            -“L’arme principale est orientée vers la direction du mouvement” : not elegant and inaccurate, sounds like you really shoot in the same direction you move. Maybe… well… something better? In general I’m not fond of the main weapons descriptions. “L’arme principale s’éparpille légèrement en avant, et plus rapidement lors d’un tir chargé.” sounds also weird to me.

            -“Libère une épée géante perçant à travers tout” -> “transperçant tout”.

            -“Génère deux orbes magiques qui suivent le joueur et tirent en avant à l’activation.” : you might think they only shoot once when you activate them (if you don’t think too hard). Maybe “A l’activation, génère deux orbres” or “Active deux orbes”. Same goes for nature shield.

            -“Flammes  Intelligentes” -> “Flammes chercheuses” ?

            -“Tire plusieurs vagues de feuilles en avant” -> “vers l’avant”.

            -“Fleur de Gaia” -> “Gaïa” in French.

            -“Tire quatre grandes étoiles sur tes côtés” : I already noticed in don’t like being said “tu”, but even apart from that it sounds weird, “sur les cotés” is better. That’s another subtle difference between French and English, like if I’m not mistaken you would translate “to have your hands in your pockets” by “avoir les mains dans les poches” and not “avoir ses mains dans ses poches”.

            -“Tire de très lentes épées” -> “Tire des épées très lentes”?

            -“L’épée et costume de pirate classiques de Matt” -> “et le costume”.

            -“Lance reçoit un uniforme marron ainsi que des ailes.” -> “des ailes assorties”, for “matching wings”.

            -“Plateforme épineuse” -> “Plate-forme”.

            -“Un bonbon qui est resté collé à la tête de blob du Lapin Gluant.” : “tête de blob” is not elegant and too easy. Maybe “la tête gélatineuse” or something?

            -“Reçois le rang une étoile dans les 50 niveaux standard dans n’importe quelle difficulté.” : “le rang une étoile” is weird, maybe “un rang étoile” or “au moins une étoile”. Besides “standards” is plural, and I think “en n’importe quelle difficulté” or “avec” are (slightly) better. The same goes for all similar medals.

            -“Superstar deluxe” : I would recommend either to make it French (“Superstar de luxe”) or keep the capital (“Superstar Deluxe”).

            -For the medal “Hyperstar” you wrote “en difficulté Difficile” while for “Hyperstar deluxe” you wrote “en niveau difficile”.

            -“Plus difficile avec moins de bombes et  plus de vie!” : I think “Plus difficile avec peu de bombes et beaucoup de vie” is better in French, though I’m not sure.

            -You didn’t translate the “Bullet Hell” subweapon, but you did translate the “Bullet Hell” medal. Any reason for that?

            -“Frelon frôleur” : ok, it does sound nice. Being called a “frelon” is not really flattering, but well…

            -“Écureil excessif” -> “Écureuil”.

            -“Gagne un décent 3 000 000 de points en un niveau.” : weird. “Un médiocre million” is fine but “un décent trois millions” is not. Maybe “Marque un score décent de 3 000 000”.

            -“Reçois un \”Parfait\” lors de la 13è vague” : is that how you write ordinals? I would say “13e” or “13ème” but not “13è”.

            -“Bats 3 boss avec Phyrrna.” -> “Phyrnna”.

            – “Extinction massive” : I would rather say “Extinction de masse”, but Google seems to disagree with me.

            -“Héros  Divin Deluxe” : you see? It’s better with a capital “D”.

  3. F13ent

    In the Spanish translation, I’d change…

    “¿No hemos matado suficientes animales inocentes aún?” -> ¿Aún no matamos suficientes/bastantes animales inocentes?”

    The “batalla de jefe” feels weird. Really, read it aloud and it’s cringey.

    “Comida marina” -> “Mariscos” (well, I’ve never heard someone call seafood “comida marina”, though it kinda portrays the right idea”

    “Una gaviota comio mi galleta” -> “Una gaviota se comió mi galleta”

    “tortuga enorme encallada” -> to something that avoids alliteration. Unless it’s intended (“estallidos espectaculares” comes up next, dunno if it’s the same character and if it really is intended)

    Plural of “cactus” shouldn’t be “cactus”. I’ve seen it as “cactos”, but then again, it’s not really that important, and “cactus” is frequently used as plural too.

    “Las criaturas parecen tornarse” also feels weird.

    “¿Cómo debemos hacer para obtener buenos rangos…” -> “¿Cómo obtenemos buenos rangos…”

    “Controlador” Never seen controller translated like that. Either like “mando” or “control”

    Other than that, I find it quite neutral and lively.

    Reply
    1. Pioneero

      Hi there! I’m one of the proofreaders of the Spanish team. Thanks for the feedback, I’ll forward it to the team.

      About “cactus”, it was asked during the translation process. The plural form of “cactus” is invariable: “cactus”. We are aware of the existence of “cacto”, but it seemed that “cactus” was the one preferred by most of the team. You have to take into account that American Spanish has been given higher priority over European Spanish (in fact, I’m the only member from Spain.)

      About “tornarse”, I agree with you, but maybe because in Spain this verb sounds very odd. You have to take into account that American Spanish has been given higher priority over European Spanish because, well, the difference in the amount of LatAm people vs. Spaniards is big enough (in fact, I’m the only member from Spain.) I’ll try to suggest another verb to see if we can get this a more neutral feel.

      About “controlador”, I think this one was chosen for neutrality. I’ll talk to the team and we’ll see.

      Thanks!

      Reply
  4. Nando

    1- “(Nota: Lançar napalm na floresta perto do Reino dos Gatinhos.)” instead of “Nota” sound better “Anotaçao mental”
    2- “Tudo o que vejo em frente são arbustos. Muitos, muitos arbustos.” “Tudo que vejo a frente” sounds better than “Tudo que vejo em frente”
    3-“Oooh, praia! (Espero que a Natalie fique de bikini de novo! Aquele foi o melhor momento de Epic Battle
    Fantasy 3 para mim. Nem ligo que quase me afoguei!) It is better to use “Nem ligo se quase me afoguei”” instead of “Nem ligo que quase me afoguei!”
    4-“Eu necessito de frutos do mar! Eu acho que a natação pode esperar!” use “Eu quero” is more natural than “Eu necessito”
    5-“Essas criaturas horrorosas acabaram com um veículo em perfeitas condições. No seu lugar eu o teria adicionado
    ao meu arsenal.” Please… “Eu poderia ter pego ele para o meu arsenal.” Not “No seu lugar eu o teria adicionado
    ao meu arsenal.”
    6-“Ei! Tem uns caras encasacados amigáveis adiante! Eles têm armas enormes, então devem ser colegas atiradores
    de cactos.” is much more natural to use “caras amigáveis com casacos” than “caras encasacados amigáveis”
    7-“Bom, isso foi cintilante! Tantas coisas brilhantes! Nós podemos ser ricos agora! (Não sei contar então
    não to certo…)” the right is “Não sei contar, então nao tenho certeza…)” not ” (Não sei contar então
    não to certo…)”
    8-“Esses escudos são horríveis! Minha abordagem usual para atacar é inútil!” use “Minha forma normal de atacar” instead of “Minha abordagem usual para atacar”
    9-“Eu acho que acabamos com eles por um tempo, então não há nada para se preocupar. Pelo menos assim que eu espero!” use “assim espero!” instead of “assim que eu espero!”
    10- “Pfft! Vou mandalo de volta para aonde ele pertence! Não há como que algo construido por gatos seja um perigo
    para mim!” use “como algo que foi construido por gatos” instead of “como que algo construido por gatos”
    11-“É algum tipo de tanque de novo! Esse esta voando, e parece um pouco estranho!” use “É algum tipo de tanque novo!” instead of “É algum tipo de tanque de novo!”
    12-“Nevasca chegando! Abotoem seus casacos!” use “Coloquem seus casacos!” instead of “Abotoem seus casacos!”
    13-“Estou dizendo que você deveria tomar seu tempo! Você vai matar todos nós se sair atirando em tudo!” use “Estou dizendo que você não deveria ter pressa!” instead of “Estou dizendo que você deveria tomar seu tempo!”
    14-“Eu não sei se eu gosto de atirar em alvos congelados, não tem muita graça se eles não podem lutar de volta. Mas eles provavelmente merecem isso.” use “revidar.” instead of “lutar de volta.”
    15-“Por que você sabe de tudo? É como se você lesse o guia ou algo do tipo…” use “manual” instead of “guia”
    16-“Aquele golem de gelo foi díficil!” It is missing the rest of the sentence “Espero não ter que lutar com algo parecido com aquilo novamente…”
    17-“Eu consegui! Estou vivo! Eu conquistei o meu medo!” use “superei” instead of “conquistei”
    18-“Huh… odeio estragar o momento para vocês, mas crianças tem minerado muitos diamantes, então o preço tem
    diminuido… muito.” use “estragar o momento de vocês” instead of “estragar o momento para vocês”

    I stopped at the beginning of the world 5 because I’m tired … I write more later.

    Reply
    1. Thales Menezes

      Made changes to the following: 3, 7, 9, 14, 16, 17
      Still deciding on the rest.

      Notes:
      5 – Sorry, but we kinda agreed to have Lance use a more coloquial / formal way of saying things, while Matt, Natalie and Anna be less formal. With Matt being the most, using “Eu to com frio” instead of “Eu estou com frio” for example.
      We’re (the translation team) are still discussing that change though.
      11 – The original dialogue means they are encountering another tank, not a new tank.

      Anyway, thanks for the feedback pal, appreaciate it. :hurray:

      Reply
  5. Aelenwa

    Sometimes, the French translation doesn’t feel natural enough. Some of the words are often skipped when you talk.
    Ex.:
    “Certains des ennemis battent en retraite!”
    Would certainly sounds better like that :
    “Certains ennemis battent en retraite!”

    Reply
  6. Stefan Kriechmus

    I think the dialect in German is way too neutral in the dialogue.
    I’m also working on a list, how I would translate it. Shall I post it here or send it in another way?

    Reply
    1. Julian Bastian

      Hey Stefan!
      I’m one of the guys handling the German translation. If you don’t mind, make that list and upload it somewhere, if possible, then post the link here. Or you could send it to my email, though I won’t post that here in the public for obvious reasons.

      Thanks for looking over the stuff, by the way! I admit that we were so worried about being anything but neutral that we actually became TOO neutral.

      Reply

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