How to Win Friends and Influence People

I recently read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, and I totally recommend it to anyone who has to deal with people for a living. (so just about everyone)

The short version of the book is: Be polite and empathetic towards everyone you meet, and show a genuine interest in them. Avoid arguments and be very sensitive and understanding when trying to change someone’s mind. Admit it when you’re wrong. Remember that people are emotional creatures, and that they’re motivated by their own pride and desires more than anything else. Make people feel appreciated and important.

Although the book is mainly set in the context of business transactions, I think it’s quite useful in just about any type of relationship, and I’ve been figuring out a lot of the lessons on my own over the years while dealing with people online.

Here’s some of my favorite quotes from the book:

“Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in their wants and problems than they are in yours.”

“Don’t criticize people; for they are just what you would be under similar circumstances.”

“Remember that we are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride.”

“Be hearty in your appreciation and lavish in your praise, and people will cherish your words even long after you have forgotten them.”

“Nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give.”

“Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.”

“It takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving. A great man shows his greatness by how he treats little men.”


10 thoughts on “How to Win Friends and Influence People

  1. pgfreak

    I know for some people it’s very difficult to develop such skills and have empathy for others. I know cuz I’m a cashier at a retail store so I have to make judgments and give empathy many times every day I work.

    I think it’s really interesting to think of people as emotional instead of as logical cuz I think of myself as logical, yet when I thought about it, I’ve do the things I do because of my own interests and pride in doing them. I’ve also seen it in those who come through my checkout; they usually make purchases based more on emotions and less on logic. Very few only buy essentials.

    I also think it’s really cool that a great developer just recommended a book to read instead of doing some game review. Keep being awesome for yourself and us fans :yay:

  2. Gamork

    While on the subject of books, are there any other good reads that you’d recommend? This bookworm is running out of things to read. :bleh:

  3. Ronald

    “Nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give.”

    Is this interpreted that those who don’t smile for their own sake, shouldn’t smile for other people? Like, someone who is only acting to be happy around other people, but actually isn’t? Would that point out they shouldn’t smile in the first place, or that they should genuinely show happiness.

    1. Gamork

      I believe it means that while you should always bear a smile, smile a little more for those who just can’t. It’ll make them feel as if someone actually cares and that is a very good way to positively influence people. Haven’t read the book entirely though, just bits and pieces, meaning my interpretation could be wrong. Saw it at a local bookstore on the cheap, so I’m definitely going to have a good book to read. Who knows, maybe it will help me see things in a new light.

  4. Kkots

    Working with people is always a lot of problem, so I hope it won’t come down to communicating with them much in my future career as an IT specialist (who knows, I might become a programmer – so I’ll be dealing with computers, that are much more logical and pleasurable to deal with).


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